[George] Home time.

[Yvonne] Dear X... you made me feel special.

But I'm not special.

I know what I am now.

Nothing.

No one.

It turns out that all it really takes for your life and everything you thought abot yourself to change forever... isn't love or passion.

All it takes is one good, hard slap.

[children playing] [sobbing quietly] [phone ringing] [X] Hello?

Are you playing it cool?

[he chuckles] Yvonne?

Hello?

Is everything OK?

No.

[Big Ben chiming] -Hi.

-Hey.

Oh, Jesus.

Did you know him?

Who was he?

George Selway.

He was at the party.

He works at the university.

We do external exams, you know, panels together.

I've known him for about two years.

He couldn't have seemed more harmless.

You, you haven't got any marks on... on your face or...

He used the flat of his hand.

Like he knew what he was doing.

Have you got bruises anywhere else?

I've got, um...

I've got finger bruises on my thighs from when he... And I've got internal bruising.

And an anal tear.

I didn't fight back.

Listen, do you want me to get some people to take a statement from you?

No, a team that's used to handling this sort of thing.

I can't make a statement, you know I can't.

If they take a swab... you... your semen will be on it.

Jesus!

Your semen will be on it as well as his.

You could... you could leave it for a bit.

They don't necessarily need forensic evidence -to bring a prosecution.

-It's OK.

I don't want you to.

I just needed to see you.

What about your husband?

Are you going to tell him?

No.

Won't it be obvious there's something wrong?

I'll just be ill.

I'll...

I'll be ill for a few days.

Well, you're not hot.

It comes and goes.

I took a paracetamol.

Oh.

-How was Sunderland?

-Windy.

You don't have to exile yourself in here, you know.

I might be up in the night.

You never get back to sleep.

Are you sure it's not just the hangover from hell?

I'll bring you a cuppa.

[movement downstairs] [footsteps] [footsteps climbing the stairs] [man] Hey!

Anyone in?

Adam?

Hi, Mum.

What are you doing in my room?

Are you sure you don't want some toast or something?

I'm good, thanks.

It's OK, then?

Just for a bit?

Adam love, this is your home.

Stay as long as you like.

It's just a couple of days.

Just to sort some stuff out.

Stuff to do with your music, or...?

Maybe I will make myself some toast.

[Yvonne] You've reached Dr Carmichael's phone.

I'm out of the office.

For urgent enquiries, please contact my assistant, Rupa Patel, on extension 223.

Thanks, bye.

[TV on] [door shuts] The twisted little fuck.

You did the right thing.

Just cut off communication.

But log it somewhere, yeah?

Any attempt to contact you, just log it.

Just in case.

In case of what?

Just in case.

He knows about us.

-How?

-Don't know.

Maybe he saw me with the phone.

It's as though he smelled it on me, the sex.

Apple Tree Yard.

Did you tell him anything about me?

-Did you mention my name?

-No, of course not.

He doesn't know who you are, just that you exist.

We were talking and I was quite pissed.

-God, why was I so pissed?

-Look!

Hey, listen.

None of this is your fault.

None of it.

-What did he say?

-I was talking about Gary.

He said, "Is that why you're fucking someone else?"

-And that's when he... -It's OK. Yvonne.

It's going to be OK.

It will.

I'm sorry.

You didn't sign up for this.

I signed up for you.

[Gary] My signature dish.

Microwaved to perfection, if I may say.

I did try.

If you're not hungry, you're not hungry.

-It's, er...

It's girl trouble.

-He's talked to you?

Oh, a tiny bit.

Just that, really.

There's this girl...

It's not um, whatshername, from the halfway house?

-Ellie?

-No, I don't think so.

-Von, don't go rushing in.

-Oh, for God's sake!

I don't know by now?

I've barely asked him a question.

-I know it's hard.

-Hard.

Yeah.

Why don't you go back to bed, hm?

You look like you're at death's door.

Yeah.

[phone vibrating] -Hi.

-[X] Listen.

I've thought of something.

I've got someone that you can talk to about what happened.

An expert.

I'm not sure I want to talk to anyone.

You wouldn't have to go to a police station.

It might just give you a clearr idea of your options.

OK?

[music over dialogue] Kevin should be able to advise you on reporting an incident like this.

[Yvonne] We went up to his office to get his stuff.

We were both quite drunk by that stage.

He tried to kiss me.

I wasn't really taking it seriously.

Then he hit me.

Across the face.

Really hard.

That's all it took.

And then, um... it just seemed to go on for a very long time.

I was too scared to move.

Did he speak at all?

There were a few instructions.

He said at one point...

He said, "Give me your mouth."

That's a terrible thing you've been through.

I'm so sorry.

Now, I'm just going to talk you through the process of reporting the rape, yeah?

Unfortunately, I'm not going to sugar-coat it, Dr Carmichael, being drunk will be a gift for the defence.

You spent the evening with this man.

-At a party!

-But you see where I'm going.

They'll try and frame it as a date-rape type situation.

The first thing this bloke's solicitor will do, if he's charged, is try to get anything he can on you.

Any... anything you've told his client, any skeletons in the closet, as it were.

-I see.

-And they'll look at everything.

Internet history, family, friends, colleagues.

Anything they can get on your sexual history that suggests you like it rough.

Any sex tapes or photos.

Well, there aren't any.

And I don't.

Will they go after my husband?

They will want to know about the state of your marriage, yeah.

Did you tell your husband straight away after the attack?

I...

I couldn't... No.

What about mental illness, depression, anything like that?

Would that come up in court, if I pressed charges?

If they're trying to discredit me?

Is there anything like that?

When I was eight, my mum committed suicide.

She had, um... depression... well probably exacerbated by post-natal depression.

She never really recovered.

[sighs] And my son.

When he was 17, my son was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Adam can't be part of this.

He's fragile.

It's unlikely your son's illness would be seen as relevant.

But once you've brought a complaint, it's not up to you to decide what's used in court and what isn't.

Obviously, I can't tell you what to do, but what I would say, is if you do decide to go ahead, you need to report the attack to the police today.

Otherwise, the things that make this very tricky to prove - not going to the police, not telling your husband, no forensic evidence - they could become overwhelming.

I was the first person to qualify the Wedekind experiment.

I'm...

I'm sorry, I have no idea what that means.

When I started protein sequencing, um... we were pioneers.

There were no computers and my team named genes as they were discovered.

Those are names that will be used as long as science exists.

But if I...

If I take this to court, God, it's a big if, isn't it, because... it seems like it's all going to come out, what we've been up to.

We've been really careful, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

Dummy camera.

So, OK, it goes to court, then.

The first thing anyone's gonna know about me is that I was... that George Selway attacked me.

Even if he goes to prison, that's who I am now, a victim.

The world can be such a shitty place.

I thought you thought life's a boon.

Yeah, it can be.

I'm sorry about your son.

It must have been really hard.

I'm really sorry, but I...

I don't think I can ever imagine having sex again.

-I...

I wasn't-- -No, no, I know, I know, but... that was the reason for this, wasn't it?

What's the point?

You've got your wife.

I've got Gary.

And now this.

It's impossible.

No such word.

You were the first person to qualify the... the Wedekind experiment.

I'm not sure that we should be in touch again.

I think it's wrong for both of us.

I'm really sorry.

[Yvonne] Dear X... Whatever it was between us, it was never meant to bear much reality.

That was the point, wasn't it?

No real life.

No feelings, no mess.

[Susannah] But a steam might have helped, you know.

-Have you been to the doctor?

-There's no point for a virus.

Oh, yeah.

It'll just be a couple of weeks.

Anyway, you and Chris.

How come we always talk about me and we never talk about you?

OK, it was the sex.

It was great, in the beginning.

Well, no, it wasn't.

It wasn't the best ever, but it showed promise.

And then I realised it was like a script.

Like porn.

Like rough stuff.

Anyway, it wasn't making me feel good about myself.

So... Plus, I spotted a pair of Crocs in his wardrobe.

I realised that I had to split up with him before the summer.

Oh, Suze.

Oh!

You'd think I'd have learned my lesson after Jay.

-I mean, me and men!

-Hey!

You're fantastic!

There are some truly awful men out there.

I know.

I've dated most of them!

No, really monstrous.

I'm sorry, I'm... miserable.

Hey, fuck him.

Fuck him, and his Crocs.

His fucking Crocs!

-Hey.

Nice evening?

-Yeah!

You still look wobbly, love.

Are you sure you're feeling well enough to go back to work?

Can't stay away forever.

I'm going up.

[Adam] What?

Mum.

Carrie says even smelling coffee at the moment makes her want to puke.

I hope the baby's OK. Everything seems fine so far.

Most pregnancies are problem-free, -especially at Carrie's age.

-Ah!

The voice of reason!

It's the closest I'll come, I suppose, to babies.

-Being an uncle.

-You don't know that.

-There's plenty of time.

-Insight into my condition.

All the shrinks say I'm good on that, don't they?

It'd be a very bad idea for me to pass on my genes.

There's no evidence that it's genetic.

It doesn't matter.

There's no danger of me passing on my genes.

No one wants them.

Dad says there's a girl you're interested in.

She's so lovely, Mum.

Kind and funny.

She can even sing.

Like an angel.

How stupid was I to think she'd want to hook up with a fuck-up like me?

-There'll be someone for you.

-You don't know that!

It's very easy for us to tell ourselves stories about people, that they're perfect, but no-one is.

Not even you?

[Yvonne] You've never talked about your work.

Official Secrets Act and all that.

But you've always encouraged me to talk about mine.

Enjoying the pleasure I take in it, I think.

Work's always been my refuge.

[sounds distort] [heartbeat pounding] [car horn honking] [street life returns] There are no more refuges for me, no places of safety.

[woman] It's nothing to do with football.

It's what these boys think they can get away with.

You're not gluten free, I hope.

It looks like rice.

It's orzo, pasta.

[woman] I mean, oral sex.

That's what I don't get.

How can you force someone to give you a blow job?

-Wouldn't you just bite it off?

-[laughter] It's bad enough men peddling crap like that without women making it worse.

I'm just saying, logistically, I'm surprised it doesn't happen.

-They're terrified.

-This girl wasn't.

She went back to his hotel room.

What was she expecting?

Maybe that he'd show some consideration?

That she'd be allowed to change her mind?

Maybe she did say yes to sex, but she didn't mean yes to him assaulting her in every orifice, roughing her up, and his mates filming it on their phones.

If these girls get so drunk they can't think straight-- Maybe you're just too fucking complacent to think straight!

-Yvonne.

-[distant baby crying] Your baby's really crying.

[Yvonne] I'm sorry.

You're lovely and your house is lovely and you give lovely dinner parties and everything in your world is lovely, so you don't have the imagination to see what it's like when bad things happen, just randomly.

Great torrents of shit descending on ordinary people.

So you're looking for who's to blame, cos that's less scary than facing up to the fact that awful things can happen, even to someone as lovely as you, really awful things.

Is this my fault?

I'm sorry.

That business with Rosa.

No, it's not that.

Really?

Well, what then?

I'm thinking of leaving the Beaufort.

Why?

I'm not enjoying it any more and... it's really, really getting me down.

-Since when?

You never said.

-I'll make up the money.

I've got consultancy work coming out of my ears.

It's not the money.

There's nowhere like it.

-Is it something specific?

-No.

No.

It's just...

It's been building up, generally, and it exploded all over Marcia tonight.

I'll ring her in the morning to apologise.

[Yvonne] I'm serious, Liz, I told you, no leaving do.

Let's have a drink when the dust has settled.

-I'll email you some dates.

-[doorbell] [Adam] I'll get it.

-[front door shuts] -[Yvonne] I've got to go.

Bye.

Secret admirer!

Mum?

Are you OK?

Mum!

[Carrie] So, the Beaufort?

Dad seems a bit confused about you leaving.

-He's talked to you about it?

-In his way.

He said something about your "time of life", as though resigning was like a symptom of menopause.

Is it?

It just doesn't suit me any more.

I needed a change of direction.

You're not going off trekking in Nepal, are you?

Or start having a wild affair?

Cos, you know, timing.

I really like working from home and your dad's busier than ever, so I can afford to take my foot off the pedal a bit.

Oh, yeah, this conference in Estonia!

That's random.

Mum...?

You're not depressed, are you?

No.

No, of course not.

[newsreader indistinct] [Yvonne] Dear X. I loved you touching me.

Everywhere.

I can't imagine that ever again.

But I do still want you, just you.

And it's terrible, because it keeps me feeling.

And the only way I can see to get through this is to be numb.

-[Adam] See ya.

-[front door opens] [door slams] I think about you every single day.

Most minutes of each day, if I'm honest.

This is what I cling to.

While you're off saving the free world, you think of m. Because you saw me.

I really think you did.

And I saw you, and that's a rae thing between two human beings.

[phone plinks] [sound distorting] [car draws up outside] [horn honks] I'm off, Von!

-Well, knock 'em dead!

-Ha.

"Hello, Estonia!"

Gary!

[footsteps running upstairs] I thought he was leaving at the end of the month.

Oh, he's had a good run.

He stayed longer than we thought.

Yeah, but not to say anything.

He mentioned to me last night he was thinking of heading back.

I...

I presumed he meant at the end of the week.

What did I do?

Why does he find it so easy to talk to you and bloody impossible to talk to me?

Hey, Adam loves you to bits, you know he does.

There's a thin line, and all that.

-[horn honks] -I have to go to the airport.

-I hope it's fun.

-Fun?

[ringing] -[X] Hi.

-Oh, um...

I didn't think you were going to pick up.

-I was going to leave a message.

-Has something happened?

-Are you all right?

-[crying] It's George Selway.

He won't leave me alone.

He must have followed me to the hairdressers, and... he just turned up in the shop near my house.

Wait, hang on.

Are you saying that he's stalking you now?

I don't know, but I...

He's been texting me, and... a few weeks ago, he sent me flowers.

I'm really, really, scared.

No, of course.

Look, all right.

I'm going to give you an address.

I need you to listen carefully.

-I haven't got a pen.

-No, don't write it down.

You've got a good memory.

Read?

It's 12... Merthyr Court.

That's M-E-R-T-H-Y-R, like the place in Wales.

Chamberland Road, SE11.

I'll see you there tomorrow, as close to 2pm as I can make it.

We can talk properly there, all right?

Look, just don't put it in your phones, not even into maps, OK?

OK.

Thank you.

I'll see you tomorrow.

I'm really glad you called, Yvonne.

-Say my name again.

-Yvonne.

We'll see each other tomorrow, all right?

We'll be together.

OK?

I've got to go.

[distant siren wailing] [beep] It's, er... We're not talking boutique hotel, obviously.

It's OK.

It's safe.

Safe house.

I know you're not allowed to talk about what you do.

Do, you... want to take your coat off?

I'm not asleep.

[Yvonne] But my arm is.

So, what do you want to do?

About Selway?

[whispers] Can't you warn him off for me?

Nothing would give me greater pleasure.

Well, almost nothing.

Don't tell me you wouldn't like to put the wind right up that pathetic piece of shit.

Yeah, I would.

I want him to crap himself with fear.

I want him to feel just half as terrified as he made me feel.

I'm not really the one for that job, am I?

As far as I'm concerned, I think he thinks he can do whatever he likes.

So, it has to change!

I suppose you know people... Yeah.

But I'd like to see his face.

Wouldn't you?

[Gary] It's early.

Yeah.

Got stuff to do.

How was it all, Estonia?

Von.

Von.

Von.

You should know, um...

The thing is, the conference... Rosa came with me to the conference.

So, you are sleeping with her?

I wasn't before.

I didn't lie.

We never have sex.

-So, it's my fault?

-I'm not trying to blame you.

It's an explanation.

Pretty standard mid-life crisis stuff, I'm afraid.

Sure.

Yvonne!

The recycling place gets mobbed on a Saturday.

We can talk about it when I get back.

You don't need me!

Is that what you think?

[engine starts] What are you going to say to him?

I thought I'd freestyle it.

[doorbell rings] [Yvonne] Is there any such thing as a point of no return?

I used to think there wasn't.

[clerk] Will the defendant please stand?

And then I met you.

Fucking bitch!

You deserve everything you get!

I hope you're happy now you've destroyed our lives!

Oh, you bitch, you evil bitch!